The Buddy Bench

I remember painting the buddy bench,

With my own two hands,

The teacher said it should be bright,

Like the colours of the rainbow.

The buddy bench was a unique bench,

Designed for victims,

Like me,

Who were bullied for their height, sensitivity

And sometimes, even ethnicity.

The buddy bench was for those,

Who had no one by their side,

Whose pain and hurt didn’t hide,

Nor did it subside.

The buddy bench was supposed to help assist,

Those bullied or hurt or abused,

It was supposed to be a place where you’d find,

People who wanted to comfort and console.

The buddy bench was where I’d retreat,

When the hurt from my ‘friends’,

Landed me in defeat.

It was the place I’d sit, 

Looking for a friend or an understanding soul,

Yet, they all laughed,

“Look at her, she’s all alone!

The buddy bench overtime, became rusted and old,

I stopped going,

Decided that suffering in silence,

Would make them think I was 

Brave and bold.

At least, even if I was a victim, no one would know,

The laughter would stop,

No longer would my helplessness show.

Because, the bullies never truly understood,

The pain they caused,

And so their hateful words,

Their name-calling, their threats,

Never paused.

But as I grew, as I blossomed,

As I became more aware,

I realised that God would not place me,

In a situation I couldn’t bear.

I become stronger, more faithful,

More confident in my skin,

I was determined not to let them win.

So I went to speak to someone in authority,

Who after discipling the bullies,

Arranged us tea parties -

If a month went by and no one had bullied.

We would all be invited,

To celebrate a victory.

Over time, I learnt,

To speak out, and not suffer in silence,

I learnt to forgive, to give them another chance,

I learnt that taking the first step, lies in our own hands,

I learnt that the buddy bench taught me that I was strong,

When so many were afraid to admit they had been wronged.

I learnt that so many bullies had been bullied themselves,

I learnt that scars fade but don’t truly mend.

But most importantly,

I learnt that God has a plan,

I learnt to find solace in Him, when all had turned their back

I learnt that ease would follow hardship,

I learnt that anyone could be a target,

Even if they look big and strong,

I learnt that never should bullying be tolerated,

Whatever the form,

And that the sunshine will always appear,

After the storm.

The Worshipping Wife

She applies the kohl in the waterline of her eyes, curls her lashes with some mascara and fills her lips with a pinkish colour. She is a worshipper.

She picks out a rustic blue kurti and rummages through her wardrobe for her denim jeans that match perfectly with it. She is a worshipper.

She ensures her body is clean and her clothes are scented with sweet-smelling perfume, one which he himself had gifted her. She is a worshipper.

She wakes up in the early hours to dust the bed sheets, cook the food and organise her possessions. She is a worshipper.

She waits at the door with a smile on her face, embraces him with a huge hug after his long day at work. She is a worshipper.

She sits on her prayer mat counting her blessings and asking Allah to bless this sacred role that had been bestowed upon her. She is a worshipper.

Marriage opens more doors and opportunities to worship Allah in ways you never may have done before. From the make up you apply, to the smile you wear for your husband. All these are acts of Ibaadah. However, it is not limited to marriage alone. The smile on your face when your father walks in from work, the dishes you wash whilst your mother rests, the time you spend with siblings having some halal banter, is all an act of Ibaadah. Sometimes all it takes is a change of intention. As the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) said in a famous hadith, "Actions are but by intentions and everyone will get what was intended."

A New Beginning

Assalaamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabaraktuhu,

So it's been quite a while since I last wrote anything here. I've been taking a much-needed break from the world of social media, firstly because it was lonnnng overdue and secondly, because I recently got married, wa lilahil hamd. :) I'm only 2 weeks into my marriage yet there are so many things I've learnt, felt, and have adapted to. So many new changes, people, places, feelings, emotions, sights, scenes, smells, tastes, that I could go on writing about it all! However, I've been having certain reflections, related to marriage and also related to change that I wanted to share here.

My husband's family live in the middle-east, in Dubai, so I am here on a visit, currently sitting on a cosy couch listening to the sound of chirping budgies nearby and the occasional aeroplane flying above whilst typing away and munching on chocolate and butter cookies :)

So what's been on my mind?

Let me begin with change. Is it not  amazing how your life can change in the split second? It took two words, a signature and khalas, the tables had turned. I was no longer single, but married, I was no longer part of a one family, but two, who are my own. I was no longer associated with one country or city or place, but two - my birth country but also the country I would be situating to. One of my friends once told me that change is the only constant thing in life. How true that is. Sometimes we get so comfortable in where we are in life that we forget life is constantly changing, always moving. It's change that helps us detach ourself from people, things, situations and places so that we can attach ourselves completely to Allah; so that no matter where in the world He takes us, His remembrance remains alive within our hearts. He is with us wherever we may be, wherever destiny takes us.

Secondly, I've been contemplating on the name Al-Wahhab and Ar-Razzaq. Both myself and my husband are students. I am in my second year of uni and he is in is first. We don't have an income coming in. But we married for the sake of Allah, *with* the certainty and trust in Allah that He would provide for us. Allah says in the Qur'an, "And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing." (24:32) By Allah, you will receive provision if you have this tawakkul. I am seeing it with my own eyes. The way Allah has provided through means of gifts from generous souls, through means of our parents and family. When there is a will, there is always a way and if you have faith, then Allah will facilitate and make easy that way for you. Our financial status or position or even our age should not hinder us from marriage if we are ready to commit to this beautiful and sacred bond and if we are ready to shoulder the responsibility that comes with marriage.

Thirdly, there is something special about living in a Muslim country. There are so many things I can mention but a few stand out to me. The first is hearing the Adhaan being called five times a day. The other day, I was taking a stroll with my husband when Maghrib Adhaan went off, just hearing the name of Allah being glorified from all directions was phenomenal. My heart felt alive. It also served as a huge reminder of our purpose in life. It's also very beautiful discovering new masaajids, there are so many masjids that when I ask my husband, "which masjid are we going to pray in today?" His reply, "Whichever masjid Allah decrees for us to pray in!" 

I am also humbled at the thought of being able to pray in different masjids because the different grounds we prayed on will testify for us on the DOJ. That in itself is a huge blessing.

Another beautiful thing about being in a Muslim country with stunning tourist attractions is watching the sunset at the beach. There is something about watching the day merge into the night. And its something that can't be described in words. It's a feeling that leaves you silently in awe of the creation of Allah. A feeling that makes your heart feel alive and connected and moved. Emotions that lift your spirits and reminds you of your true meaning and purpose of life. Allah is the Creator of all things. The sustainer of all things. Glory be to Him. The only words that escape our lifts when looking at such a sight is: SubhanAllahi wabihamdihi subhanAllahil Adheem.

Although so many changes have happened in my life, some days I am completely overcome with gratitude. I sit there thinking, what possibly could I do with this feeling of thanks? And then I remember the ayah, "And if you were to count the favours of Allah never would you be able to enumerate them." Alhamdulilah is all I can say. It is Allah who blesses the transitions we go through in life, it is He who makes it easy and it is He who will remain with us. Glory be to Him and all thanks is due to Him.

To be continued inshaAllah :)