2015. A year that has breathed so much clarity in my vision. A year that has brought to light so many of my weaknesses, my strengths, my dreams, my hopes and my fears. A year that has pushed me to my limits and beyond, where I had no other choice but to be strong and to have faith. A year that has brought with it experiences, changes and lessons that I never expected to face so early on in life, and successively, though they have opened my eyes to different ideas about life and shaped me to become a person different, to the one I was at the beginning of the year. And for this, I am truly grateful. A year where past wounds have torn open and began to bleed but were also healed by His words. A year where stones left my life but gems entered. Amongst them one that shone brightly amongst the rest. A year I learnt that sometimes rainbows appear amidst the storm, sometimes in the form of an understanding soul, a helping hand, a sincere Du'aa or a comforting verse. All of it are gifts from God.
However, after reflecting deeply there are a few take home lessons I took away from this year. Those that will forever accompany me and remain etched in my memory. For every lesson we learnt from our past or learn in the present should help us as we continue life's journey.
- We will fall. Sometimes in ways we never expected to and sometimes so suddenly. We may lose our way for a while. Those acts of Ibaadah we were so consistent with may become a huge struggle for us to do. Our Imaan will dip. Sometimes to the point where we see no possibility of it rising again. Days may go by and were still stuck in the same place. Waiting. Repenting. Thinking what possibly went wrong? Yet, every fall is followed by a rise, and even the most wilted flower has a chance of blossoming again. Sometimes we fall suddenly, sometimes we lose our way, sometimes we make mistakes we never thought we'd make, to teach us two things. The first, that Allah is always there, ready to forgive any sin, awaiting our sincere repentance regardless of how far we've wandered. And the second, that the ground is where humility lies. Maybe you sinned or were betrayed or felt heartbreak to experience true humility and neediness before Allah. Perhaps He saved you. From the disease of arrogance and instead blessed you with the gift of humility. As Imam Shafi' one said: "Journey to Allah lowly and broken."
- Don't ever underestimate the power of Du'aa. It is amazing. It is your superpower. I remember a very specific moment this year where I needed to request something from someone. Pass on a really important message. In my mind, I thought that they would say no. That they would dismiss or reject the message. I was worried, fearful, unsure, uncertain. Would it be a yes or a no? I remember standing in my room looking out at the window. My heart was racing. Yet I continued to remind myself, each time mustering up the strength and courage. Du'aa. Allah can change the hearts. Even the hardest heart He can make soft. Remember Musa (as) when he had to speak to Fir'aun? Or when he stood before the sea with the staff in his hands? How did he feel? Panic, worry, stress, anxiety. Did he give up? No, he trusted Allah. He took the risk with full faith and in doing so, the sea split. He was able to deliver the speech to Fir'aun with ease because of a particular Du'aa he made. This person is not Firaun, not even close. Make Du'aa and go take the plunge. Imam Shafi' once narrated a poem, wherein he says:
'Do you mock the supplication and belittle it?
When you do not know what is has the power to do?
The arrows of the nigh do not miss the target,
But they have a set of limits which shall come to end.
So if my Lord wishes, He holds it back,
And if the decree is to be fulfilled, He sets it forth.'
- Drop everything if you need to, but never ever drop your Salaah. There were times when I was exhausted. Too many things were happening at once. It took effort to read a page of Qur'an or a memorise an ayah or do things I would normally be able to do with ease. But I realised, that my body and brain were tired and I needed to take it easy. However, even if I had to drop everything else when I had no strength, there's one thing a believer never drops. Salaah. It is our lifeline. Without it, we'd be a crumpled mess. For me, Salaah and Dhikr is the fuel for my soul and heart. So no matter what your state or how intense the storm, don't let go of prayer. It keeps you connected to your Creator regardless of how distant you may feel at a particular stage in life.
- Dream with Tawakkul. Don't stop dreaming, thinking, having ambitions. But remember to dream with trust. Trusting Allah that if this thing doesn't work out for me, then Allah has a better plan. If He removes this from life, He will surley give me something better. Better than I ever imagined. This is to dream with tawakkul. It is to have high hopes but to be content with what Allah has given you. You are where Allah wants you and His plan is the best for you, though it may be had to grasp. It is to know that some people will enter your life to teach you lessons that will aid you in your dream but then leave. Thank Allah for those people. And others will enter who will want to walk by your side sharing the same dream. You won't ever want to stop thanking Allah for them. Those are the people you need to hold close.
- Scars heal but never truly fade. We often think that past experiences remain in the past. But sometimes, some experiences remain with us, holding us back. Our broken pieces and vulnerabilities are a unique part of us, they accompany us through life, so don't be afraid to take risks for fear of the past, or the fear of hurt. Instead, assure yourself that Allah will heal, always, like He always has done. That He will protect and cure. And that every experience is different, no two is the same; each teaching us its own unique lessons to better us as human beings and to draw us closer to Him.
- Nothing great comes easy. Nothing. Anything that is worth having takes its time in arriving. A woman has to carry a baby for 9 months before she gives birth. A student has to study years of hardwork before he/she receives the degree certificate. The delay helps us appreciate the gift when we receive it, but it gives us time to reflect and train ourselves in patience, in trust, in Du'aa, in perseverance, in gratitude. It teaches us strength. Allah's delays are not His denials. There is wisdom behind what is delayed and often it it brings us closer to Him as well as increases our value for the blessings we receive after periods of anticipating, longing and perseverance. Remember, "Some of the most beautiful things worth having in your life come wrapped in a crown of thorns." - Shannon L. Aldel
- True strength is to keep trying. To keep fighting. It is to give yourself another chance even if you keeping falling into the same mistake. It is to force a smile when in pain, through teary eyes. It is to let go and let God. To pick yourself up and brush off the dust. It is to forgive and let go. For strength is only really discovered when we are pushed to our limits.
In a nutshell, the ayah below truly sums up the essence of what my experiences in 2015 have taught me. It is the one ayah that reminds me to never let go of hope. That there is always a chance to blossom again. That mercy overcomes His anger. Despair is not for the believer. Hope and truth will always prevail. Tears are okay. Human beings are fragile, delicate beings. Everyone is hurting. And that rainbows will follow every storm.
"O my sons, go and find out about Joseph and his brother and despair not of relief from Allah . Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people." (12:87)
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