Take a break and just imagine...

Assalaamu Alaykum Warahamtullahi Wabarakatuhu,

So, today on this beautiful Tuesday evening, as I sit sipping away at my hot chocolate, I thought I'd talk to you guys about those times in your life when you feel all alone. Those times in your life when you feel unworthy, bullied, helpless and down in the dumps, as some may say. They are the times when you feel the world is against you and you feel that absolutely NOTIHNG can change the situatuion you're in...

Those moments when your tears roll down you cheek, and you sit wiping them away, feeling all confused and lost, you feel the need to just hide away from the world and become invisible.

At the time you may be feeling lonely and helpless, but what if I told you that in these times you're in fact, not alone.

Allah (swt) your Creator, the Most Merciful is by your side always. He knows the absolute pain your feeling, your broken heart and your every tear that falls from your eye.

He knows how you're inner thoughts and He Allah (swt) is not going to leave you, it's about YOU knowing and acknowledging that in these moments in your life and also in times of ease, you need no one but HIM. Your Creator, the one who knows you Best the one with whom you will find comfort and ease.

These hardships that occur in your life are either for you a test or a punishment, and one may ask, how do you defentriate and know which one it is? If the calamity that befalls you brings you closer to Allah, it is a test, and if it takes you away from Allah it is a punishment.

However, do you know what the beautiful thing is, it is the fact that Allah (swt) is the Most Compassionate, He says in the Quran 'Call upon Me, I am Near' He wants you to call upon him in these times and turn to Him, with your heart filled with humility and your eyes flowing with tears.

That moment you turn to Allah you experience this numinous feeling you can't even describe by words, because your turning to you Lord the Most High, in such a humble heart- softening state!

These times were not sent by Allah to break you but to make you that stronger person you are today.

Each and everything a believer goes through is good for him. He is always in a win-win situation.

Believe in this!

Even something as small as being pricked by a thorn is expiation for you from your sins.

IMAGINE..

Imagine your sins falling away! Imagine being purified from filth! Imagine those black dots being removed from your hearts! WOW! This is a time of total cleansing and purification of the heart, soul, body and mind!

YOU are getting reward for each moment of patience and preservance. Just IMAGINE that reward and you will be able to see the beauty and wisdoms of what your going through.

Allah will take care of you and grant you not only heaps of hasanaat, but also a clean fresh mind and heart.

Hmm, so IMAGINATION. Something that Allah (swt) has blessed many of us with. If we didn't imagine then how would we also think of those beautiful rewards that await us?

The ultimate reward; Jannahtul Firdaus.

When your feeling all low and stressed out, maybe its all these exams that are causing you to feel like 'You havn't got a life' or maybe someone in the family is extremely ill, then just carry on smiling away, because you have a chance to escape for a bit, take a break and imagine the blue clear skies, eternal boys like pearls at your service, beauiful women surrounding you, dresses of silk, bracelets of gold.

Just imagine drinking froms the hand of the Prophet Muhamad (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam), or diving into a river of chocolate, or maybe swimming in an ocean of milk! Whatever it is, take a break and imagine the reward that awaits you, for your striving and struggling each day.

May Allah (swt) grant us all Sabr, and protect us from the evils around us, and grant us the ability to strive in His cause and for Islam, and make us amongst those who enter Jannah without accountability Ameen.


Fi'amanillah

- Keep on smiling :)

Your fellow stranger

Akhlaaq: The forgotten treasure

Assalaamu Alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu,

The Prophet Muhammad (Salallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam) once mentioned in a Hadith which is narrated by Bukhari, that:

“I have not been sent as a Messenger, except to perfect character (Akhlaaq)”

He (Salallalhu 'Alayhi Wasallam) also said that:

“The nearest of you to me on the Day of Judgement will be the one who is best in character.” (Bukhari)

I began with the following Ahadith narrated by our beloved messenger (Salallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam) to emphasis the importance of the topic at hand today. The topic of Akhlaaq.

Akhlaaq is a beautifier in the life of a Muslim. It is the core concept in the life of a slave of Allah, which highlights a person’s righteousness, piety and a good heart. It is one of the most important things that a Muslim must acquire and seek, even more so than knowledge. One of the early predecessors made a profound statement, he was told:

(Ibn Al-Mubarak said, “Mukhlid Ibn al-Husayn once said to me),

"We are more in need of acquiring adab than learning Hadith"

Adab basically is the way an individual conducts his or herself. It is their ways, mannerisms and characteristics. A Muslim is taught to conduct themselvs in the best way. He or she should strive to perfect their manners with Allah, first and foremost, then the people and the entire creation. Adab includes all that is good, all the good things that a Muslim may do. It is something which is not taught or acquired rather it is something which is naturally developed, and something which is held in high regard and respect.

Akhlaaq is our character, how we hold ourselves, and our etiquettes.

All the Prophets, Sahaabah and noble scholars of Islam always held a great disposition. Their mannerisms were humbling. Their speech, inspiring and their etiquettes were in our terms, amazing.

Today, we have lost touch with our religion; we've lost touch with our purpose and or focus. Look to the youth today, how many of them do we see lacking basic manners, basic ways of talking to elders, basic Adab. Today, swearing is widespread, foul language, filth, gossip, screaming, and rowdiness...all this has become the norm in today's society. We've forgotten this treasure that our role models in the history of Islam had. We've forgotten the way we were taught to treat and respect our elders, and how to show kindness to Allah's creatures such as spiders and flowers. Instead, we harm the creation of Allah, we show disrespect, our habits are filthy and our character is one that portrays lack of intelligence and lack of understanding.

How come, we Muslims, the best community, the Ummah of Rasulullah (Salallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam) portray such bad manners? It is only by the grace and blessing of Allah, that we were given messengers and prophets, such as the Seal of all prophets, Raslullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) himself, who came down to PERFECT Akhlaaq. His job was to deliver the message of peace - of Islam, and Islam teaches, it highlights and it gives great importance to Akhlaaq and to being a good Muslim. Not only in our belief, but our way of eating, drinking, talking, sleeping, even purifying our self - we are taught to do it in the best way.

Let your Akhlaaq be outstanding,

As a traveller in this world, you must keep in mind that you're only here for a short time. Throughout this journey in this world, you are going to meet other travellers, some who are on the same road as you, others that may heading to another destination and some, who may not even have a destination in mind at all, rather, they are just lost in this world with no guidance, no focus, and no direction. Yet, with each person you meet, whether or not they are on the same journey as you, you have to display the best and most excellent characteristics. It is because YOU are a representitives of the deen of Allah, and through your character you are teaching them about your identity, about who you are, and about your way of life.

When you smile, you are showing others that Islam is a religion of kindness, of ease, and of peace. When you walk across the street in humbleness and being gentle in your pace, you are showing that Islam is not a religion of haste, but a religion of ease, of humbleness, of selflessness. When you greet your fellow workmates in the morning, displaying cheerfulness, you are showing that Islam teaches you to be positive, optimistic, no matter what you may be hiding under that mask. You not only brighten your day with your pleasant character, but whoever you may cross, you too can brighten their day with your amazing character.

When you eat slowly, unrushed and with the right decorum you are teaching others that Islam covers all aspects of your life. Even the way you eat and drink, the way you sit, the way you cover and all your interactions.

Akhlaaq and Adab are treasures that we have buried in the sand. For too long we have been busy debating, arguing, busying ourselves with unecessary things and things of which are of no benefit...when our Akhlaaq is not up to scratch.

When people remember you, they remember you for what you are, your character, behavior and the way you present yourself to them. Are you always sitting with a sulk on? Do you refrain from giving Salaam? Do you get angry quickly? Do you talk with a full mouth? Are you not ashamed to use a foul word when you speak? Seriously, these are all things people notice, and that is what they remember you by. Today, we have lost all sense of decorum.

Islam is a complete way of life. It tells us how to live or life is the most benefitting and beautiful way. Hence, part of our Islam, or perhaps OUR Islam, is the way we live by it and the way we represent it. Good akhlaaq should be shining off us. Our character should be gleaming, it should be OUTSTANDING.

The way you are with your Lord, the way you talk to your Creator, the way you worship Him, should be the most important part of your Akhlaaq. For if your mannerisms with the Creator are beautiful, then so too they will be with His creation.

Ramadhan has come and gone, and we make Du'aa to Allah that He allows us to witness another. But let this time in between, be a time of reform, of change, of development, of growth. Grow in your beautiful habits and attributes and live how you would want to be remembered. Perfect your character, make it dazzling, make it inspiring, so that when a non-muslim sees you, he sees Islam, he sees the truth, he sees a Slave of Ar-Rahmaan,

I want to close the topic with a quote I found in my ‘gems book’ :)

“The fragrance of the flower is directed in the way of the wind, whilst the character of the people is portrayed in all directions.”

May Allah allow us to live like His messenger, emulating and following his ways and mannerisms, and may He make us beautiful inside and out. Ameen

Sorrow, sadness and natural emotions.

Assalaamu Alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu,

It's been quite along time since I last posted on here. I was itching to share the following reminder with you all. A topic I enjoy speaking and writing about. Hope it serves to be benficial InshaAllah...

My post today is directed to all those who are going through a time of sadness or grief. You have probably noticed how my posts tend to follow a similar trend and similar themes. The topics of sadness, sorrow, emotions, journeys and reflections are always things I enjoy to write about. It is because I feel they are topics that are extremely relevant in today's time. We live in a world which is constantly changing, today you may be happy and tomorrow you may be sad and vice versa. Allah (swt) tells us of the certainty of the tests and turmoil we may have to face on this journey of life. This is a mercy from Him as he informs us beforehand of the trials we may have to undergo. He says:

"And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits,but give good tidings to the patient...” (2:154)

He, the Most High, for certain will test us. Each of our tests are unique and are specifically designed for us. Allah (swt) knows what we are capable of handling for He says: "Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity..." (2:286). A test for you may not be so much of a test for your friend or another person. In a world where oppression is rising,wars are breaking out and people are being discriminated against, we know for a fact that we too will be tested with something alike, either less or more,depending on our strength and Imaan. People in life will hurt us, say insolent things to us, hate us, curse and argue with us. We in return may feel sad,unworthy, devalued and upset, yet even within these situations come great reward.

Sadness is an emotion just like happiness and anger. Many people I come across feel like they have to suppress their emotions, hide away in a little cave and keep their feelings bottled up. Yes, it's extremely helpful and recommended to sometimes get away from everything, close the doors and just take time out to reflect, ponder and think about Allah (swt) and the purpose of life. However, don't feel like it's 'sinful' to be sad, because just like happiness is an emotion, never blameworthy or seen as wrong, so too is this innate emotion of sadness or grief. We as humans *have* to feel a variety of emotions; anger, guilt, fear, love, sadness, and so on because they are just part of us and our feelings and it's healthy for us to keep our balance. What can become a sin is how we react to these situations. Does violence result from our anger? Do we celebrate our happiness by going out clubbing and partying? Do we fall in love in the wrong way? Are we fearful of people more than Allah? Do we whinge, moan and complain when we are put to test? When we ask ourselves these questions we come to realise that it is indeed our reaction and our actions that come as a result of these situations, which will either draw us closer to Allah or further away from Him.

I want to mention a few points of advice for those who are feeling down about a certain situation or grief has overcome them. Even if it as small as revising for an exam and feeling frustrated at the amount of work load you have, or something as big as losing a job or a loved one, so that sadness has seeped its way into your heart and your eyes cannot contain the tears. Take a break from the worries that are troubling your mind, let your mind escape into reflection, and contemplate on your true purpose of this wavering world .

1) You have many blessings - One thing that will fill your heart with peace is reflecting upon the blessings Allah has showered you with and the many favours He has bestowed upon us. They surround us from above us, below us and from every direction. Allah says:

"And He gave you from all you asked of Him. And if you should count the favour of Allah , you could not numerate them. Indeed, mankind is [generally] most unjust andungrateful." (14:34)

Look around at the many things Allah has given us. Our health, our safety,nourishment, air to breath in, water to give us energy. We possess so many things life has to offer, yet we remain ignorant! So contemplate on these blessings and don't be sad!

2) Anticipate the ease - You have all most probably read or heard the ayah in Surah Inshirah through which Allah (swt) illuminates hearts, gives us hope and strengthens our Imaan. For He says:

"After every hardship is ease, verily, after every hardship isease." (Surah Inshirah: 4-5)

The scholars have commented on this ayah saying that Allah (swt) here promises to be give two eases after every hardship! SubhanAllah! So if you're finding it tough now and if things just seem to get harder, recite these verses and know that your ease is surely to follow. For - the morning follows the night, light follows darkness, and tears are followed by a smile. I recall once I bought a key-ring whilst I was in high school from one of the stalls; on the key ring it was written "After every storm comes a rainbow" - I totally fell in love with this quote, firstly I love imagery, idioms, phrases, clichés - yes, I am abit of a literature and language geek, and so this key ring was very precious to me. The fact that we may be going through a storm now, lightning may be striking from all angles, yet it is of surety that the rainbow will come, and life will be filled with happiness and colours so bright. Indeed, it is better to go through temporary hardship now than eternal pain and suffering in the hereafter.

3) It could worse - When you're going through a difficult time, remember that you're not the only one. Allah (swt) will test each one of us, yet our tests are unique and designed only for ourselves, as Allah (swt) burdens no soul with more than it can bear. When one is filled with sadness and grief,they should realise that what they're going through could have been a million times worse. So say Alhamdulillah. The Sahaabah would thank Allah (swt) when they were stricken by calamity, as they would be grateful that it was a hardship endured in their worldly endeavours and not in their religion. Always think positive. Think about the situation of others, we don't have to look far! SubhanAllah, people are suffering in all parts of the world. In Syria, children are left dying in the hands of their fathers and mothers, women are being raped, and blood is being shed. So, thank Allah and realise that you have it easy than a lot of others. Reflect, and let your heart be put at rest.

To be continued Insha’Allah...

Nostalgia, a sense of longing, and the fleeting world.

Assalaamu Alaykum Warahmatllahi Wabrakauhu,

Wow.

Time is flying.

I still can't grasp the fact that its been six weeks since I performed my first 'Umrah, and embarked on my first journey to the blessed lands of Makkah and Madinah. It really does feel like yesterday, and on top of that, I really want to go back. Its hard to get back into a normal routine. College, work and then back to the gazillion house chores. Sometimes we need such a break to make us realise the blessing of having free time. If you have it, use it in a good way. When you break away from your routine it really does help to rejuvenate your soul and allows you to have a time of deep inner reflection. Which was what my 'Umrah was really about.

I miss many things about the two cities. I miss the peace, the serenity, and the tranquillity that your heart feels when you sit just inches away from the Kaa'bah and make Du'aa to Allah.

I miss walking to Masjid Al Haram with aching heals and in the extreme heat - walking past people who are busy engrossed in their Dhikr and remembrance of Allah.

Even those small things, like pouring myself a cool glass of zam zam water which would refresh me and give me this sudden rush of energy.

The 'deadly' locusts that would hover above us at Masjid an Nabwi is something I can't forget!. I really were afraid of them!

I miss hearing the Adhaan being called five times a day, and I miss the fact that your whole day revolves around your Salaah. Once Salaah ends and you're already thinking about the next one. Breaking early from your normal routine just to prepare for Salaah and get to the haram early so you can find yourself a nice spot to pray.

Whenever I begin to recall the memories, I can't help but feel a sense of sadness, a sense of longing to go back. People may think I clearly can't get over it - but really after such an amazing spiritual journey -  I can't!

I begin to think about this life.

This dunya.

No happiness, no sadness, no pain, no ease will remain forever in this world. Whenever I think about my 'Umrah trip, I remember this point of reflection...

When I was there, I never felt that I would leave the place. Although I went for less than two weeks, it actually felt like a lifetime. Every minute felt like an hour, every hour felt like a day! Maybe it was the barakah in the time or perhaps Allah was teaching me something. For in every situation you can derive a lesson.

I actually felt as though I had always been there, and always will remain there. It is only when I returned to the UK did I realise the shortness of ths journey and how time passed so quickly.

It made me reflect.

That... when we're living in this Dunya we feel like we've always been here and will always remain. We feel that it is our permanent place and we call it 'home'. Yet, when that Day dawns upon us and we enter the realm of the Akhirah, only *then* will we begin to feel as though we stayed in the dunya for a day or maybe less.

It just shows that wherever you are right now in your life, it will not last forever. 

That sadness you feel, that heart ache, that pain, cannot and will not last forever.  Those moments of happiness and joy will too come to the end. Because this dunya was not meant to be our permanent place of residence. It's always wavering, shifting from one event to another. So much so, that in the Akhirah the dunya will feel insignificant, it'll feel like we were residents of it for a couple of hours, it'll feel like it went too quick. Yet here we are, living life to the max thinking that our life on earth will last forever.

Similarly, when you were in the womb of your mother, relaxing, you most probably were thinking that you'd never come out of that warm place you were resting in. Yet, when you did finally make your way out and entered the Dunya, and you grew up in this new world you had now stepped into -  if anyone asked you about your time in your mothers belly, would you remember? Quite frankly, no.

Again, compare this to the Dunya. In the Akhirah, the wordly life is gone, completely. Even from your memory and your heart.

My experience also made me appreciate the blessed lands so much more. I sit here, dreaming of sitting under the umbrellas at Masjid an Nabwi. You only realise what a true blessing it is to have actually been given the opportunity to visit the best place on earth when you return. It's true, you only appreciate a gift when it's taken away from you.

Du'aa works miracles.

My begging, pleading and asking Allah for five years or more never went to waste. After all those years, He finally invited me to His house, SubhanAhu Wata'aala, and I pray He allows me to visit His house many times more.

I also pray that Allah calls each and every one of us to His house soon and that He allows us to return as often as possible.

For now though, Ramadhan is approaching! Time to embark on another spiritual journey. Allahumma Balighnaa Ramadhan. May Allah allow us to live to see Ramadhan and make the most out of it. Ameen.

And remember, 'failing to prepare is preparing to fail.' So let's strive to prepare for this month and make it our best one yet.

If every situation there's a lesson; a pearl, you just  have to search deep to dig out all the treasures. :)

P.S -  Du'aas requested that Allah facilitates for me to go study in either of the blessed lands and that He makes easy for me and us all the path of knowledge and keeps us sincere for His sake. Ameen!

The Road Called Life

Life is not always going to be one straight road.

We're all going to experience the twists and the turns. The bends will be sharp and the bumps will be high. Sometimes we'll come to a dead end and other times we may feel like the road is never ending. In light of all this, let me tell you one thing; and that is, that no matter what happens, no matter what you're experiencing; that road will come to an end. The light will soon shine at the end of the tunnel. We know this because we believe that this life is but short and temporary and the hereafter is eternal, so nothing in this life will not and cannot remain forever. Whatever hardship, stress or sorrow you are facing now will one day be replaced with happiness. For Allah says: "Indeed after every hardship is ease".

Believe firmly in this. Know that your tears are seen by Al-Baseer and your cries within the dark nights are heard by As-Sami. The one and only, the owner of Majesty and Bounty.

Just recently I have been reflecting upon the power of Du'aa and this emotion of sadness. We as humans will naturally feel sad when something happens to us that we dislike. We may feel sad about our past sins or become filled with anxiety and worry of the future and what it may hold. Wallahi, Du'aa, it erases such feelings of grief and sorrow. It illuminates hearts if done sincerely. Let me ask you, how do you feel when you share your problems with your friend or someone close to you? How does it feel when they *actually* appreciate and understand what your saying? It feels as though your burden has been lightened, that your problems are being shared and your able to open up and express your emotions. However, nothing, absolutely nothing is as fulfilling as sharing your problems to your Creator. The one who is the Most Great and the one who responds to ykur hearts plea. He hears all, even the prayer of your silent heart. He knows your deepest and darkest thoughts, emotions and feelings. He will not turn away from you, nor will He leave you - as long as your calling upon Him. Talk to Allah about your problems. Tell Him. Tell Him how much you want His forgiveness and His pleasure. Ask Him to remove the fear and anxiety from your heart and instead fill it with Imaan, peace and tranquilly. Allah already knows how your feeling, He knows how many tears you've shed and will shed, nevertheless He loves when a servant turns to Him for his needs, for consoling and for peace. Ask your Lord! Du'aa is a Muslims superpower. It's the weapon of a believer. Through it does a believe draw closer to His Lord. Through it he humbles himself whilst His heart filled with awe. His eyes shed tears as He asks His Lord and turns to Him seeking His pleasure and happiness.

Never feel your alone in your hardships. Or ever feel that something you want is impossible for you to get or achieve. For Allah says "Be! And it is. Don't lose hope in his generosity. Know that He is always there for you. Know that this life is put a passing enjoyment. Know that as soon as you step foot into Jannah - all bad memories, all sadness and grief will die. Happiness will fill your life forever.

Take the pain now, for it'll all be worth it in the end.

An excerpt from my short story.

It was a beautiful summer’s day on Burneville farm. The golden rays of light shone down from the burning lamp that was nestling in the serene blue sky. A flock of birds flew by – chirping melodious praises of their Lord and then landing on the crisp green grass which dazzled in the midday sunlight. The branches on the trees swerved right and left and in all directions, as the gentle breeze blew. The breath of fresh air sent shivers in the body but left one feeling calm and refreshed. The flowers were lined up in perfectly neatly rows. Tulip, daffodils, roses and violets too - all danced with the breeze, brightening up the farm with the colours of the rainbow. In the distance were houses – big, lofty houses. The cottage-like buildings looked so classical, as though they were a setting in a movie. The roads across the other side were soundless. The occasional car would pass by; the noise of the engines breaking through natures silent moments, subsequently bringing back painful memories.

Marwa Amin sat cross-legged on the soft grass, sipping on a glass of orange squash. She was a young girl of good nature, who loved to take time out of her busy life. She loved the fact that she lived on a farm away from the hubbub of the busy urban life. It was nice to just sit and when reflect on God’s creation - on His ability to create such beautiful designs and perfect artistry.

Marwa would liken the world to a canvas, which was painted with colours of yellow and green – representing joy, happiness and ease. But not everyone’s side of the canvas was the same colour. Some parts of the canvas had strokes of black, grey representing sadness, sorrow and even evil. That was, because Marwa’s experiences taught her that not everyone lived the same life. Not everyone saw the beauty that Marwa saw every day. She was one of the fortunate ones, and she knew it. Thus, she appreciated every gift God gave to her and allowed her eyes to see.

Marwa gazed at the green hills in her view. Her light green eyes shone like crystals glistening under the rays of sunshine which were hitting her pale oval face. Her blue Hijab was wrapped neatly around her head, and her chic black Abaya swayed with the wind and her green converse camouflaged themselves within the grass.

Marwa not only loved nature, but she was a passionate reader who loved to read fictional books, especially about the life of those who suffered around the world. Marwa placed her now empty glass next to her and picked up her book which was titled “A flourishing friendship” and began to read from where she left off.

“…and that’s why they say, distance makes hearts grow fonder - because when you long to see someone who you haven’t seen for a long time, you learn to appreciate them even more. Just like Layla and Sammy, two friends who lived far apart from each other, but their friendship was so strong, so strong that Sammy’s illness, her pain, her suffering was felt from Layla who sat on the other side of the world.”

Marwa lowered her head in humbleness. Her eyes began to tear up. Oh how much she longed to be in the company of her dear, distant friend. How much she missed her father too, who had been away for many months – working in the Middle East. She wiped her cold tears that trickled down her rosy cheeks. Taking a deep breath she forced herself a smile. She had really been missing her family in the last few days. Things had changed so much. Marwa’s mother would work as a teacher in the daytime and would dedicate her evenings to planning and preparation for the next day. Her father was always travelling. Marwa had last seen her father 7 months ago and she missed him ever so much. Marwa, being the only child was as lonely as ever. She had grown up being surrounded by her relatives and cousins. But since her move to Burneville, life had changed. Then again, life took an unexpected turn for Marwa many years ago. A change that transformed her and her life forever.

Through the beauty in her sparkling eyes and her soft glowing cheeks, one would only think Marwa was the happiest teenager on the planet. Her giggles were always noticed and never once was Marwa seen without a smile on her tender face. The innocence in her eyes told a story of joy, of contentment and of serenity. That was because… even after all she had gone through, she had hope, she had her religion, her heart was at rest with the Creator, and that was what mattered to her the most.

Hope was what remained. Without it she would be but shambles, a girl without strength to move even a hands length. She would be too weak to stand up on her own two feet and continue going on with her life’s affairs, but she knew she had no choice. She would stand tall and win the battle she was fighting, because, behind that mask was an unspoken story that Marwa dread to tell. The memories of those days she spent in a place so dark, so dead was a heartache she couldn’t get herself to tell. The beauty she now saw in front of her eyes made up for the days when she was only in obscurity.

Behind that mask Marwa wore, was a story of two growing friends…

5 years ago…

“Marwa!” shouted Sara from the bottom of the stairway.

“Yes Ummi” replied Marwa running to the top of the stairways and leaning over the banister to face her mother.

“Come down, please. Your father and I need to share something with you.” said her mother in a pleasant tone. Her hazelnut eyes showed a look of excitement.

“Cool! I’ll be down, right a way!” exclaimed Marwa, now hurriedly returning to her bedroom to slip on her pink slippers.

Marwa ran down the long, winding staircase in her vintage house. Marwa lived in a huge house which was decorated with classical, vintage accessories and ornaments. She loved her home. It always had a warm feel and she would anticipate coming to a beautiful house like this after a long, tiring day at school.

“Take a seat, sweetheart” said Sarah as she carried her mug to the living room and took a seat besides her husband near the burning fireplace. Ubayd put his arms around his wife’s shoulder rubbing her arm and smiling into her eyes. Sarah chuckled and sipped her cup of coffee.

Marwa slouched onto the settee opposite her parents who seemed to be so happy, so delightful at something Marwa still didn’t know about.

“Well,…” said Sara gleaming away.

“Your mom wants to inform you of some good news.” interrupted Ubayd who was equally as excited.

“Ooo..what could it be? Nana and Ma will be coming over to stay with us I presume? I mean, it can’t be anything else!” exclaimed Marwa sarcastically.

“No dear, Sara chuckled. Don’t’ worry, Nana and Ma decided not to come this year.”

“Thank God. Aren’t I pleased?” Marwa teased.

She loved her grandparents dearly, but the thought of having them over again really pressured her. She had really important exams coming up and couldn’t take on the responsibility of balancing time with Nana and Ma, and then her revision. She knew she would spend most of her day nesting in Grandmas cosy arms and listening to her stories about life in Syria. Her revision would go down the drain.

“I’m sure Marwa, you will be much more pleased with the news I’m about to tell” informed her mother.

“Then tell meeeeee!” began Marwa curiously waiting – which showed in her eyes.

“Well sweetheart. In a few months’ time, all going well, and by the will of Allah, we will have a new member joining us in the family.” Sara’s face lit up with joy. Her eyes began to swell up whilst she said those words. “Alhamdulilah” she added softly with a gleaming smile.

Dawud turned towards Marwa to see her reaction. At first, Marwa was puzzled. Are we getting a pet? She thought. Are they adopting? No…wait, Ummi was actually pregnant! WOW!

“Woow...I mean, Alhamdulilah, I.., err, I can’t believe it!” said Marwa startled and absolutely delighted at the same time. She sat up and grinned.

“Yes” said Sara smiling and with tears dropping from her joyous face at the same time.

Marwa got up and walked over to her mum, who too had stood up to embrace her daughter, she grabbed hold of her and embrace her with a huge hug.

“Aww, Ummi… I know how much this means to you and Abi. You’ve wanted one for so long.”

She held her mum for so long. Taking in her sweet smell of perfume which wafted into the air. The moment was one Marwa felt she could hold forever. She hugged her mum tighter and placed her head into her mums chest, feeling the warmth of her breath and the trickles of her tears which were now falling on Marwa.

“I know, dear. Let’s hope all goes well and Allah gives me what I have been wanting for so long.”

“InshaAllah, Ummi. I hope it’s a girl.” Marwa smiled.

“Whatever it is dear, I’ll be happy.” Sara said smiling back.

She gave Marwa a kiss on her head, before Ubayd came to join the embrace. “I guess this is a girly moment that I can’t join in with.” He chuckled not meeting their eyes.

Marwa grabbed her father’s hand and pulled him to her and her mother. He wrapped his arms around the two women he loved so dearly and would sacrifice anything for. “May Allah keep us united” said Ubayd.

“Ameen” replied Sara holding Marwa’s grasp and feeling like she had been given the greatest treasures in the world.

----

“Yeah but Ubayd, we have to tell Marwa!” exclaimed Sara, weeping as she spoke.

Darling, I understand, but Marwa is young, she will be devastated, she might not even understand. It's only been a month.” replied Ubayd gently holding his wife’s hand as she stood wiping her tears with the other hand.

Sara let out a deep breath wiping the tears from her cheek. “QadarAllah I guess. I should accept it.” she said wholeheartedly her eyes were swollen, worn out and red from crying.

“I feel your pain dear. I too am drowned in sadness. I can’t imagine how you, the mother of that child must be feeling.”

Sara began to sob and let herself fall into her husbands arms.

“Hey, let me take you out for some fresh air.” Ubayd insisted. “I’ll treat you to a dinner.”

“Now… is.. not the time, U-b-baydah.” Sara’s voice quivered.

“Ok, wrap up warm and go take a rest.” Ubdaydah kissed his wife’s forehead.

“May Allah bless you.”

“And you” said Sara, letting go of her husband and making her way slowly upstairs.

Ubayd looked to his wife. She looked weak, distressed, she was drowning in sadness. It must be so horrible knowing that you were soon to be a mother but then having to receive the news that you lost your child. Maybe that child would grow up to be someone who disobeyed his parents and Allah? Who knows – only Allah. Ubayd took a deep breath.

Ubayd knew that no matter how much heartache he and his wife were feeling, Allah would definitely replace them with something better. Whether now or in the next life. For, Allah says: “Indeed, after every hardship is ease.”

Ubayd picked up the Qur’an from his shelf and began reading. Savouring each word, each letter. His eyes began to well up and he found his hairs standing on ends as he began to read about the Rahma of His Lord. What a Merciful creator He had. Nothing, absolutely nothing could give his wife strength and hope in this testing time, except Allah. Right now, the Qur’an was soothing his heart with the coolness of faith. It was curing him of this grief and sadness.

He closed the book, walked over to the mirror, looking at himself. His dark black beard curled up at the end, he began straightening it out with his hand. His eyes and nose were sore from crying. He grabbed a tissue wiping away the tears that were gathered in his eyes, and let out a deep breath.

“I must tell Marwa.” he told himself resentfully