Ponderings Of The Musaafirah: On healing, istighfaar and more

Assalaamu alaykum dear readers :)

So, every once in a while I sit down, open my FB pages and collate all the recent 'ponderings' and reflections I've had over the past several months. I've noticed a recurring theme this time, and it is that of healing, forgiveness and rising after your falls. I pray they are of benefit!

May Allah accept from us all.

~*~*~*~


And just as she was about to be dragged away with the stormy winds, the devils whispers, she paused. "...And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves [by transgression], remember Allah." The storm subsided, the light appeared between the grey clouds and inside her heart till she felt a sense of tranquility seep into her heart. The clouds grew duller, the pain of restraint surfaced till the rain began to fall, the tears began to flow. But she knew they were a mercy. Weren't tears better than being sucked into the darkness of a storm she would forever regret walking into? Weren't the beautiful gardens under which the rivers flow worth the sacrifice?

Even in sins there is a hidden blessing, subhanAllah. This brought tears to my eyes. Such is the mercy of Ar-Rahmaan. 

heart emoticon

"A scholar once said that Allah prefers that slaves do sins *and* good deeds rather than just sins or good deeds. For how many good deeds lead one to feel proud and haughty, but the sins lead them to become more soft, humble and weak before Allah." - Tawfique Chowdhury

Allah placed us in this world not to experience a paradise, but to experience the prison, and then enjoy the never-ending Jannah. To get to know who our Lord is, and then to see His beautiful Face. To worship Him, and then join all the worshippers in a place of eternal happiness. To struggle and strive and toil, and then taste the sweetness of rest and relaxation in the next life.

This world was designed to break us. But each time it does, Al Jabbar is there to fix our hearts so we can continue working for a place where our hearts will only feel feelings of peace and joy. For in Jannah, nobody or no thing, breaks the heart of another.

"Peace be upon you for what you patiently endured. And excellent is the final home." (13:24)

I had a realisation today. Sometimes Allah places you in unique situations, or makes you go through certain struggles or experiences, not only to strengthen you, but to teach you lessons and answers to questions so many around you are seeking or need reminding of. Then He takes you to the people or brings the people to you so you can convey the reminder. "For indeed the reminder benefits the believers."

"Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes time. Vision with action can change the world." - Joel A. Barker

The rainbow will follow. <3

heart emotico"Allah is the Protecting Friend of those who believe. He brings them out from darknesses into the light..." (2:257)

"The past is lost forever, and that which is hoped for is from the unseen, so all that you have is the present hour."
~ Arab poet

It's amazing how kind, reassuring words or actions can melt a heart that has been frozen shut. Don't underestimate the power of gentle words and sincere advice. You never know for which heart He will make you a source of hope.

Allah promises two eases after every hardship, so don't drown in an ocean of sorrow, but fight the waves. Nor lose yourself in grief, talk out your feelings. There is a deeper wisdom behind your pain, your sadness and your suffering.

Its painful and healing takes time, but be assured that the heart will be soothed by His rememberance.

Anticipate His reward and anticipate His ease, and know that Allah will never leave you to suffer alone.

He will always be by your side. He will always send a rainbow amidst the storm. But the rainbow must be sought. Seek it through Du'aa, seek it through action, seek it through taking that first step. No matter how small the step may be, take it. And even if the Du'aa is but a whisper, make it.

He is more Merciful to you than a mother is to her child. His Mercy overcomes His anger. He has prescribed Mercy for Himself. An entire Surah is titled Ar-Rahman. Wherein the Name 'Ar Rahman' is repeated 31x. We acknowledge and remind ourselves of His Mercy at least 17 times a day in our prayers. He has a special Mercy that is exclusive for you and I - for the believers. 99 parts of His Mercy have been reserved for the Day of Judgment and only 1 part was sent down to this earth.

With such a Merciful Lord, how possibly could we ever completely lose hope?

‪#‎AllahsMercy‬

We have two choices when we err or fall.
Either we choose to remain on the floor, broken, with the weight of our weaknesses holding us down.
Or, we lift the weight off our shoulders and rise with a stronger resolve and remorse.
It's so easy to do the former, so difficult to do that latter.
But it's in doing the latter that we gain our strength. It's there we rekindle our hope. It's there that we acknowledge His vast Mercy. 
It is there our faith is restored; through repentance, redemption and transformation.
Remember, no sin, failure or mistake is too big for Allah to forgive.
His Mercy will forever overcome His anger.
And He is more Merciful to you than your mother.
So rise.
Lift the weights.
You can do this.

Sometimes all it takes is one sincere, powerful Du'aa.

"You disobey your Beloved whilst you claim to love them? But the one who loves someone is towards the One they love, obedient." - Arabic poetry verse

There is no better cure for our numbness, no better way to soften our hearts when they turn to stone, and no tears as valuable as those shed when reciting and connecting with the words of Allah.

"...For indeed, there are stones from which rivers burst forth, and there are some of them that split open and water comes out, and there are some of them that fall down for fear of Allah. And Allah is not unaware of what you do." (2:74)

There are some places where memories still live fresh. You can still smell, taste, feel them. Alhamdulilah for those beautiful memories that make your heart smile. <3

Its amazing what a few moments of focused reflection without any distractions can do for the mind, body and soul. That time for us is, Salaah. It is a time to break away from this world, the sorrows, the stresses, the exhaustion and to simply bask in the beauty of being present before our Lord. Not once, not twice but five times a day. Sometimes, I spend so much time thinking about ways I can 'reconnect' or 'transform' my daily routine so it includes more mindfulness and productivity, forgetting that, if only I spent time 'fixing' and 'establishing' my Salaah, then that would not only assist in the betterment of my days but my life, my mind and my heart itself. The key is to go back to the basics, and to plan our day around our prayers, not our prayers around our day. 

The pain that is felt after committing a sin is far more exruciatingly painful than the pain that is felt when striving to restrain from it. But there is always a medicine to help you heal from both types of pain. Istighfaar. In both obedience and in transgression, you have a choice to either cling to the rope of despair or the rope of hope. Always choose hope. Hold onto repentance. It is your saviour. Don't let it go.

A powerful take-home message from today's Khutbah...

'Don't just walk through life. Interact with life.'

"Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the alternation of the night and the day are signs for those of understanding." (3:190)

It is logically correct to say that for every action there is an equal reaction. Except when an action is showered with barakah. The reaction is no long equal, but more. Barakah is beautiful, because with it, the goodness that stems from our actions, words and affairs grows and flourish, leaps and bounds.

Ask Allah for good, but also ask for barakah, for He will give you more than you ever hoped for and results better than you ever imagined.

Sometimes it may take a few short failures, mistakes and falls to achieve a long term success.

Her insecurity is a blessing, because it pushes her to trust in Allah's plan, where she expereinces the true sweetness of security and certainty.

Her anxious nature is a blessing, because it pushes her to make more Du'aa, a place where she can pour out every worry, big or small, leaving her affairs in the Hands of the One who is more merciful than a mother is to her child.

Her sensitive nature is a blessing, because although she is easily broken, and although the pain is much more painful, so is the happiness much more happy. So is the love, care and concern much more deep. And so is the feeling of healing much more sweet.

Alhamdulilah for those strengths, weakness, struggles and gifts that are all a means for us to draw closer to Him. heart emoticon

"Introverts thrive on stillness. Within stillness ideas bubble up and our inner voice whispers vital messages we can hear. These vital messages need expression. They are the basis of our creativity. Withdrawal leads to self-awareness and ultimately our creativity." - Brenda Knowles

Alhamdulilah for those who remind you to never forget to love who you are whilst loving and caring for others, and to remember to give to yourself so you can give more to others. heart emoticon

If our acts of Ibaadah were merely based on how we feel when we perform them, we would always feel like we're failing.

Some days, we may not *feel* anything. We may pray, but the khushu' may not be 100% there, we may recite a page of Qur'an, but complete our recitation without shedding a tear. It's these moments that awaken our conscious. That cause us to question our hearts. Why isn't my heart moved? Why is my Khushu' lacking? How can I revive the connection with the book of Allah?

If you are still asking these questions then know you are seeking a solution. And that's what matters. The effort. The struggle. The desire for improvement. The longing to reconnect. The moment you stop questioning your heart, is the moment you stop seeking to become better. Always find time to look within, always find time to contemplate and reflect.

The height of patience is at the heat of the test. When the stab peirces through. When the branch snaps. When the fragile glass meets with the ground and then shatters. It was in these moments that Yaqub (as)'s patience shone through. When he was at the peak of his test he endured - with tears, with grief, with a heavy heart, yet only with words of faith, trust and hope..

"..So patience is most fitting. Perhaps Allah will bring them to me all together. Indeed it is He who is the Knowing, the Wise. And he turned away from them and said, "Oh, my sorrow over Joseph..." (12:84)

‪#‎SurahYusuf‬

Strength is not in willingly giving up on a dream, an ambition or a deep longing to achieve something for His sake, in order to live more comfortably. It is to continue the journey *despite* the limitations, the worries, the obstacles. It is to keep chasing that dream, despite the many times life has knocked you back or you have failed on the way. Strength is struggling to choose certainty and contentment over the worry, uncertainty and sadness buried deep inside. It’s easy to want to stay settled in our comfort zones, but to come out of our cocoons and choose to take the risk with tawakkul and ihsaan, that takes courage and strength.

Broken before God...

“To be a spiritual warrior, one must have a broken heart. Without a broken heart and the sense of tenderness and vulnerability that is in one’s self and all others, your warriorship is untrustworthy.” ~ Chogyam Trungpa

"Patience is of two types: enduring what you hate and abstaining from what you love. " — Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib

"It's like she had a soul that was much too big for her; it filled her to the brim till there was no more space, so it flowed out through her eyes." - Nick Lake, In Darkness

Whenever you can't seek out a light in the darkness, remember An-Nur. The One whose light never extinguishes.

"Oh Allah for You is the praise and You are the Light of the Heavens and the Earth and all therein…" [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

We're all hurting. Every one of us. We all have struggles, unhealed wounds that tear open from time to time, we're all battling with something. Never dismiss or underestimate someone else's heartache or pain. Put yourself in their shoes and at the very least do not make light what is heavy upon their hearts. Acknowledge it and sympathise. Sometimes that's all we need. A shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to. What really can be more beautiful than for Allah to make you a means of solace for someone who is experiencing the storms of life? And really, is there any medicine like receiving sincere compassion, comfort and gentleness?

Beautiful realisations will happen when you begin to see beyond the surface of what is apparant and when you are able to dig deep and extract the positives though they may be buried under layers of negativity and struggle.

Some feelings cannot possibly be expressed in words. Yet, it's those same feelings, emotions, thoughts and worries that push us towards our Creator. Because we don't need to utter anything. We can sit on our prayer mats in silence, place our forehead to the ground whilst tears flood our eyes, raise our hands to the sky whilst no sound escapes our lips, yet still be understood. Still be responded to. Still be reassured that we will receive an answer. Because Allah knows and acknowledges every single call, even those our hearts make in silence. ‪#‎Duaa‬

Push on forward, despite the fears, the worries, the turbulence. It's so easy to remain stagnant, or to shrink your dreams and settle for less. What's difficult is to continue aiming high, continue dreaming big, continue believing, continue praying. That takes effort, it takes strength. So if you feel like you've taken too many steps back, it's time to take that step forward, and even if you've only moved an inch, or not yet made a move, or feel like your vision seems too farfetched, then remember, faith and trust makes all the difference. As a wise man once said, "faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Even the most eloquent of writers/speakers will run out of words when it comes to expressing gratitude to the One worthy of all thanks and praise. Yet, we are taught that the sincere utterance of one simple word, 'Alhamdulilah' suffices and encompasses all possible gratitude and praise we may be feeling in a moment.

‪#‎TheBeautyOfHamd‬

No prose, poetry, song, nasheed or rhyme can match the perfect beauty of the words of Allah. Its recitation brings peace to every unsettled heart. It increases ones faith and hope, it reminds one of the true pupose of life, it soothes the soul, and opens the door of attaining the Mercy of Ar-Rahmaan.

"So when the Qur'an is recited, then listen to it and pay attention that you may receive mercy." (7:204)

‪#‎Quran‬

Write down the moments your heart smiled, you felt happiness, you received a gift, you felt at ease, you enjoyed warm food, clothing and shelter. Write it down. For good times and beautiful memories will be a solace for you amidst the inevitable storms. Storing and remembering your moments of ease and being thankful for them will only help you appreciate life more, will only rekindle your hope and understanding, that nothing is permanent, no pain, no happiness. Some days it will rain, other days the sun will shine bright, yet even in rain there is mercy and in every dark cloud, a silver lining. So seek the good whatever the weather and humble yourself to Al-Wahhab, the giver of gifts and of these beautiful moments.
‪#‎Shukr‬

"A woman is a school, if you teach her you teach an entire generation."  <3

heart emoticonI was feeling so down today, when suddenly I looked too see a chubby, adorable baby smiling right at me whilst he simultaneously drooled all over his smart shirt. I smiled back, and my heart smiled too and suddenly everything felt better.

A smile itself is contagious, but a smile from a child... priceless. smile emoticon

‪#‎BabySmiles‬

Imām Malik (r) said, "My mother would wrap the Imāma around me and put a thobe on me (and garments of scholars). She would tell me go to Rabiah to learn from him adhab and his manners before his knowledge." He says: "She used to dress me up and would ask me what I learned that day and narrate all the hadith and stories she would sit me down." 

heart emoticon

‪#‎GreatestMumsOfAllTimes‬

Where would we be, how would we cope, and how rusted would our hearts be with sin, if it wasn't for His limitless Mercy. ‪#‎ArRaheem‬

And sometimes, the stitches of old wounds become undone and begin to bleed to teach us that no matter how many times we hurt ourselves or are hurt, or how many times we fall or break, Al Jabbar is always there to heal us, mend us and fix us every single time.

We will make mistakes. We will falter. We will fail. We will forget. For this is the nature of insaan. We rise, we soar but we also dip and fall. We wilt, we wither but we also have the ability to blossom and bloom thereafter.

No matter how far you've wandered or how deep you've fallen, rise, reconnect and restablish your connection with the One whose Mercy overcomes His anger.

One day, your story will come together and one day, it will all begin to make sense. ‪#‎TheBestOfPlanners‬

Perhaps all the disappointments, hurt and heartbreak in life occur to teach you one thing: to depend solely on Allah. He is the only constant and your ultimate source of comfort and strength.

A believer never runs out of hope. Even when the hope you're holding onto is but a faint, fragile rope, don't let it go. Hope is like a seed, water it and it will increase, leave it as it is and it will remain buried under the soil.

Sometimes, you may continue to be placed in impossible circumstances or situations over which you have no control, just to experience one thing; the true beauty and essence of tawakkul. 

heart emoticon

‪#‎LetGod‬

Isn't it strange how the same eyes that shed tears in hardship, struggle to release tears in ease? Hardships may move our hearts, but so too should the appreciation of his many gifts, so too should times of ease. For they remind us of how blessed we are to be in the light whilst so many still live in shades of darkness.

Just like the roots of a tree dry out, so too can our faith begin to dry up. We may no longer feel the sweetness of imaan, our salaah may begin to lack concentration, we may not even have the same passion towards our goals and Du'aas. But there is always a way out. Sometimes, it's simply by going back to the basics. By revising and studying the roots of our faith; the pillars of Islam and Imaan. Revisiting Aqeedah revives our faith and hearts, reminding us that the pillars that hold our religion together, can too hold us up after a dip in our faith or an unexpected fall. 

‪#‎Aqeedah‬

"If Allah intends to make a way out, He will open a door. If there's no door, He will break down the wall - for nothing averts the command of Allah." 

- Abdul 'Aziz al-Tarefe

Sometimes Allah will answer Du'aas you didn't even utter, and those Du'aas, you forgot you ever made. For your Lord is All-Knowing and He never forgets.

You can give all your heart, you can sacrifice so much, you can give an entire ocean to the Creation.

Yet, only receive a drop or nothing in return.

But when you make your giving for Allah, then He will repay you. 

Every tear, every bead of sweat, every small token of kindness will be rewarded. For "Allah does not waste the reward of the doers of good." (Surah Yusuf: 90)

The healing affects of the Qur'an upon our hearts is proportional to the strength of our intention whilst reciting it. The more attention you give to it, the more you will gain from it. Approach the Qur'an *seeking* comfort, guidance, serenity... and it will give you that and more.

Allah loves us exactly the way we need to be loved. And through this love, He gives gifts that are truly unique. Something that is suitable for person and that person only. Its a reflection of how well He knows us and what we need. Sometimes that gift is something we have longed for, sometimes that gift is an unexpected favour. At other times, Allah shows us His love by giving us problems and hard times which instill in us discipline and forces us to grow better and stronger.

Sometimes, I feel He continously allows me to break so I can taste the sweetness of my hearts remaking. Because each time, the process of healing leaves me in awe of Al Jabbar. How a fragile vessel could shatter into peices, yet still, by His permission be fixed together again. If that is not miracle each time. If that is not an ayah pointing to His greatness. What is it?

The thing you love the most, you will fear losing the most. Make Allah your ultimate love, because He can never be lost. "Everything will perish, save His Face." (28:88)

To be extremely sensitivity is a strangely beautiful quality to have. At times extremely bitter, at times extremely sweet, at times deeply frustrating and painful, and at other times deeply pleasing - but nevertheless a rare gift one wouldn't trade for the world. ‪#‎EmbraceYourSensitivity‬

The best gift you can give someone whose kindness and care you cannot possibly repay in another way, is a sincere Du'aa in the depth of the darkness of night. ‪#‎Duaa‬

There is nothing like pouring your concerns in Du'aa to settle an unsettled heart.

Nothing is more painful than being distant from your Creator. Nothing is more humiliating than allowing your own whims and desires to own you instead of you owning them.

Human beings are capable of missing people they've never met or loving things of the future before they become part of the present. That's why a mother is attached to her child before it even enters the world. And that's why a slave of Allah continues to worship and love its Lord without having seen Him. This embedded love, this longing to be attached to our Creator, the testimony we took before our souls even entered this world is truly a reflection of the Mercy and perfect justice of Allah. ‪#‎AlhamdulilahForThisGift‬

The more Allah is remembered within your heart, the more light will be placed in your heart. And on that Day, nothing else will matter besides this light. 

"On the Day you see the believing men and believing women, their light proceeding before them and on their right, [it will be said], "Your good tidings today are [of] gardens beneath which rivers flow, wherein you will abide eternally." That is what is the great attainment." (57:12)

You are changing the world each time you rise from your fall, each time you choose hope over despair, each time you smile at someone else, each time you reach out your hand to the one in need. Even if it's one person's life you are impacting or influencing positively, you are changing the world. Not all at once. Subtly. Gracefully. One step at a time.

~*~*~

The Year It Hit...

It was in high school - year 10, a year before my GCSE's, when it hit.

And it hit hard.

I don't remember the exact cause of it. I had been studying in the school for 4 years, had good friends, things at home were fine, and most importantly, I was a practicing Muslim girl. I prayed, I fasted, I contemplated, I thanked Allah, I attended classes and reminders, memorised Qur'an and volunteered at the local Islamic centre.

Yet, it still hit.

In fact, I can't remember a year where my Salaah was so focused and my heart was more connected to Allah than in that year.

Yet, it still consumed me.

I would sit it in class and feel the sudden urge to withdraw. Something was eating me up inside and I couldn't put a finger to it. Most of the time, I would go sit outside, or in the first aid room, and cry. I felt lonely though people were around me. I felt sadness though there were so may reasons to be happy. I felt insecure though I knew He was keeping safe. I felt an outcast though I was loved by all - family and friends. 

Yet, for some reason my heart was unsettled. I felt I wasn't worth it. I felt a failure. That I was doing something wrong. I felt scared, anxious, worried at the most inconvenient of times. It's as though darkness surrounded me from above me, below me and all around me. Yet, I could see the light. The sun it rised every morning, the birds they chirped and sang just before dawn. I could see light, just couldn't feel it.

I'd go home to my loving family unable to feel their love or warmth. I wanted to so badly. But I felt the entire world was against me. There was nowhere I felt secure.

And that's the thing about when it hits. It doesn't come with a warning. Nor does it hit only those who have no faith. Yes, it can target even the practicing Muslim.

Today, this is the message I want to share with those who feel or have ever felt this way. Those who, are strong, practicing Muslims, yet suffer from what is labeled today as, 'depression' or 'anxiety.'

It's will be okay.

I finally snapped out of this phase after a long year struggle. Finally, I felt alive, energy filled me and passion entered my heart. I felt happy. I could actually see the sunshine and at the same time feel amazing basking under its warm rays.

2 years later, I decided to write my book. They say, the harder you fall, the stronger you rise. And so that's what I did. That's what He granted me the ability to do. I began to appreciate every moment I felt happiness or warmth or love or security. It was incredible. To feel appreciation for the smallest gifts in life. If I hadn't gone through the dark phase, there was no way I would appreciate light and ease the way I do today.

To all those who are going through a bout of darkness or are in the midst of the storm of depression, anxiety or distress. It's not your fault. Everyone is tested in different ways, some are tested with physical illness, others with wealth, children or money, and some, with mental illness, which what depression is. Just as the body gets sick from time to time, so does the mind. For some, it hits because of external factors. Due to an experience they went through in life, or a trauma they witnessed or the environment they in, and for some, its genetic. Their brain works differently; there is a chemical imbalance.

But just like any test in life, it requires Sabr. Patience. Control. 

I know it's not easy. It's not easy to be patient when your brain doesn't feel like getting out of bed. When everything is weighing heavy on your heart. When you've cried far too much. When you feel drained, overwhelmed, numb and scared. It's not easy.

But always speak to someone. Don't bottle in. However dark your feelings and thoughts are confide in someone. Firstly, know that Allah is there to hear your every call, so ask Him. And secondly, the people around you are gifts from Him. He has sent them to support you so don't push away the one who wants to reach out a hand. 

And when it hits and you feel too drained to do anything. Listen to His words. That requires little effort on your part. You just need to listen, reflect, have faith, be consoled by the words of Allah. And trust me when I say it is one of the best antidotes. 

To every depressed or distressed soul, your not alone! Nor do you need to go through it alone. It is completely possible for you to be Muslim, practicing and feeling looming sadness or dread. It doesn't make you a failure. Rather, it says a lot about your ability and strength. The thing about depression or any other mental illness is is that it tries to paralyse you. Chain you. Hold you down. Trample you. Don't let it. Keep moving. Even if you're not feeling it, even if you don't want to speak to anyone. Do it. Doing something is better than not doing anything at all. So keep moving.

And remember, "Allah does not burden a person beyond their scope."  

May Allah heal all the wounds of those who bleed outside for the world to see, as well as those that bleed only on the inside, and no one sees. May He grant light and serenity to every heart that has been engulfed with darkness. <3

When The Sea Split - Inspiring lessons from the life of Musa (as): Part 1

If you ever want to read about someone who made one of the biggest mistakes, who did something many of us could not even imagine doing, who went through periods of darkness and failures, who struggled and fought and weathered the hardships that were thrown his way, who toiled, who worked hard, who persevered, who made mistakes, who feared and worried to the point he felt his chest tighten and his confidence weaken, who felt incapable and unworthy, yet STILL turn out to be one of the most beloved people to Allah (swt), then read about the life of Musa (as). The only prophet that was honoured to speak to Allah directly. A prophet whose name is mentioned most in the Qur'an, and whose life and legacy is an inspiration for those who have stooped so low, for those who feel a dip in their imaan, for those who are waiting to fly again, waiting for the storm to pass.

Musa (as)'s journey began in the beautiful, golden city of Egypt. One day, at the edge of the River Nile, the mother of Musa (as) was inspired by Allah (swt) to throw her beloved child, the coolness of her eyes, the delight of her soul, into a river - all alone in a basket. It was at that moment, this mother felt the unexplainable pain of being separated from her beloved. Her heart became empty of all emotions. She felt numb. So many thoughts were racing through her mind. Yet, Allah (swt) comforted her, saying: "And We inspired the mother of Musa (Moses), (saying): "Suckle him [Musa (Moses)], but when you fear for him, then cast him into the river and fear not, nor grieve. Verily! We shall bring him back to you, and shall make him one of (Our) Messengers." It was thereafter that Allah fastened her heart, comforted it and strengthened it so she could be reassured about her son. "And the heart of Moses' mother became empty [of all else]. She was about to disclose [the matter concerning] him had We not bound fast her heart that she would be of the believers."

Lesson: Allah consoled the heart of the Mother of Musa (as) in her most difficult moment, when all she could picture was the river and a drowning child. It was not till later that she discovered the hidden wisdom behind her most painful experience. Allah will console your heart too. Amidst the chaos of life, through the rivers of sorrows, and even in the depth of darkness, reach out to Him and He will bind your heart with the sweetness of faith. 

However, little did she know that this marked the beginning of an incredible journey that Musa (as) was about to embark on. A journey to self discovery, and a journey of hope.

Musa (as) was then founded by the wife of Fir'aun who took him under her care. She showered him with love and care and also hired wet nurses to wean him. Amongst those that were hired was the mother of Musa (as) herself. Allah returned him to her so that perhaps her may be at rest and she may be consoled by the warmth of her beloved baby.

Lesson: Allah has a plan for you. When He takes something from you, He will always give you something better. In your loss is a gain. And in your situation there is a greater wisdom though you may not see it now. The jigsaw doesn't make sense till its complete. So trust Allah. You are on just one part of the puzzle. The bigger picture tells a different story and only once it's complete will it all make sense. So continue the journey knowing that whilst you plan, Allah plans and He is the best and most beautiful and perfect of planners.

Musa (as) grew. He became a man, and Allah bestowed upon him maturity, intelligence, knowledge and judgment. "And when he attained his full strength and was [mentally] mature, We bestowed upon him judgement and knowledge. And thus do We reward the doers of good."

Lesson: Notice how Allah (swt) he says at the end of the ayah, "And thus do we reward the doers of good." This knowledge and judgement that Musa (as) was bestowed with was a gift from Allah. Allah saw good in Him and so increased him in good qualities and gave him knowledge and maturity. Allah (swt) rewards the doers of good by increasing them in goodness. As He says elsewhere in the Qur'an, "Is there any reward for good except good?"

Time went on, and Musa (as) continued to grow and mature. One day, he entered a city and there he witnessed to men fighting, in midst of it all, Musa (as), with the intention to resolve the issue and respond to the plea of the man who was being fought, went and struck the other man and unintentionally killed him. Allah says regarding this: "And he entered the city at a time of inattention by its people and found therein two men fighting: one from his faction and one from among his enemy. And the one from his faction called for help to him against the one from his enemy, so Moses struck him and [unintentionally] killed him. [Moses] said, "This is from the work of Satan. Indeed, he is a manifest, misleading enemy." He said, "My Lord, indeed I have wronged myself, so forgive me," and He forgave him. Indeed, He is the Forgiving, the Merciful.

Lesson: Imagine. Think about this. Musa (as), a Prophet of Allah, killed another human being? Imagine that for a moment. Though it was unintentional, imagine the feeling inside the heart of Musa (as). The sadness, the despair, the shock, the trauma, the regret? How many of us here can claim that we have made this same mistake in our lives? Yet, did Musa (as) despair of the mercy of His Lord? Did he drown in grief? No, he acknowledged that Shaytaan was the one who mislead him. He didn't beat himself up. He didn't despair. Musa (as) instead made Du'aa to Allah for forgiveness. Note how he realised that he wronged his own self. When you sin, you wrong your own soul, but when you turn back to Allah, with sincerity and hope, He will forgive you because Allah loves those who repent and turn back to Him.

So all those who are on the brink of giving hope, remember that it is greatest enemy who misleads you. Hold onto hope. Feel the remorse and then take action by fleeing to Allah. By acknowledging that Shaytaan is your greatest enemy and you can't let him win twice, first at making you sin and then again at making you despair. 


Word began to go round that the people of that city were planning to kill Musa (as), and so he was told to flee, and he did. Allah says, "So he left it, fearful and anticipating [apprehension]. He said, "My Lord, save me from the wrongdoing people." Musa (as) was filled with fear and anxiety. Again, he made Du'aa to Allah asking Him for safety and protection. Yet, at the same time he held onto the rope of hope, saying: "And when he directed himself toward Madyan, he said, "Perhaps my Lord will guide me to the sound way."

Lesson: Whenever you feel your world darken, whenever anxiety seeps its way into the cracks between your heart, every time you feel like the entire worlds weight is upon your shoulders and every time you worry about the future will hold, raise your hands. Allah (swt) is near and He understands and He knows and He sees and He will take you further and further. Musa (as) reassured himself and told himself, that Allah would guide way and He did. Because Allah is what His slave expects of Him so only expect good of Allah.

What happened after Musa (as) fled this city? In a state of poverty, fear and apprehension? Find our in part 2 of this series, inshaAllah. :)

A Rainbow Of Hope

She lay in her bed, her heart, body and soul completely numb. She couldn’t feel anything. No pain. No heartache. No regret. There were no tears tonight. No gasps for breath. No build up of fear and anxiety. She had frozen. She had turned to ice. Slowly, she turned to lay on her side. The wind continued to howl outside and the rain poured from the skies. She wanted to feel. Feel some regret; she wanted to feel the pain. Where was it and why had it disappeared. The frustration increased. The resentment towards her own self began to build up. Clenching her eyes shut and squeezing her fist tightly, she began to fight. The dark thoughts, as well the intense longing to want to hurt her herself. To want to feel the pain of the sin she had committed. To taste the bitterness of what her own hands had put forth.

Battling, fighting, clenching her eyes tighter. She continued to battle. Forcing herself, she reached out her hand to the phone that lay besides her. Swiftly, she tapped in her code. “You’re so weak, Aisha…”, "…Why are you going to listen to the Qur’an after sinning, are you mad?”, “…Listen, its over for you. You’ve made far too many mistakes, you should punish yourself for this.”, “Is there even any point of existing?” Shaytaans whispers escalated as she continued to hold the phone in her hand. Her one finger was on the screen ready to click play, and the other on the power off button.

But what would she do. She looked ahead at the window in front of her. The night was dark. Yet, a light still shone. Perhaps it was a street light. Whatever it was, it somehow gave her an ounce of hope amidst the darkness of her thoughts. Maybe the light would shine through.

Despair. She was on the brink of giving up. She was biting her tongue.

She couldn’t despair. Allah was with her. The Most Merciful, The One who loves to forgive. The Pardoner; He was right there. Ready to forgive. Say it. Say Istighfar. Rainbows must be sought. If I don’t do anything, forgiveness will not come. Imaan will not return.

She grabbed her phone once more, tapped in her code and pressed play.

Surah Zumar.

The melodious recitation continued to play but her heart remained frozen. Staring into space, she waited. Waited for the words of Allah to pierce through her hearts and fill it with feelings of tranquility. And it did. “O my slaves who have transgressed against themselves…” Tears began to flow from her eyes. She felt her heart crack open and tears gushed forth. “Despair not of the mercy of Allah.” The pain, regret, guilt stung. “Indeed Allah forgives all sins…” She curled into a ball under her duvet unable to face the darkness of her room. Shy before her Lord. She was crying heavily now but her tongue was also moving repeating words of Istighfaar. Her ears were also listening to the beautiful, healings words of Allah. “Indeed He is the Oft-Forgiving, The Most Merciful.”

Tomorrow will be a new day. The Sun will rise. Wad-Duha. Your Lord has not and will not abandon you. Let your sincere repentance wipe clean the filth upon your heart, Aisha whispered to herself. Now is the time for change.

She lifted her covers, rushed into the bathroom to make her ablution and then stood on her prayer mat. This was her time to change. Not in the next hour, not tomorrow, not next week; now. “Indeed Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in there selves.”

Aisha, the girl who was on the brink of despair but battled her way to the frontline, ready to face the battle. Stronger, determined and more hopeful than ever before.

The Burn [Lessons on Healing]

The other day I was cooking in the kitchen, vegetable and tuna to be more precise when I had suddenly burnt myself whilst taking the pasta out of the oven. Although, I had oven gloves on, part of my hand was still exposed and so I hit it against the interior of the oven, which was at that time, piping hot. I remember feeling an intense sting in the part of the hand, so I quickly moved my hand away only to find that it had left quite a sore mark. I didn’t dwell on it at that moment and continued cooking away; the burning sensation was still there but I kept my mind occupied.

I got home and whilst making Wudhu’, rolled up my sleeves only to find that it had began to swell and now looked like a round, oval-shaped lump. It was also hurting like heck. Over the days, I’ve closely been observing the healing process of the burn. How it changed colour, slowly, how the pain decreased, slowly, and how it became worse before it got any better. It taught me a few lessons about pain, tests and healing, which I want to share with you today.

• The first tinge of pain will hurt – a lot

When we are hit with a sudden or unexpected calamity, hardship, or a test, for example in this case the sudden burn; the moment it strikes is the most painful and the most intense. However, it is also the defining moment. A moment we can choose to either be patient with gritted teeth, or react with foul language and other words that are displeasing to our Creator. The pain I felt the moment my skin touched the scorching oven (which was huuuuge by the way), hurt a lot. But the pain thereafter was not as much as it was in those few milliseconds. It reminded me of a hadith of Rasulullah (salallahu alayhi wasallam) where he said:

The Prophet (salallahu alayhi wassallam) said, “Verily, patience is at the first strike.”

Remember, the defining moment, the moment that could raise your ranks to levels you never imagined, and a moment that carries magnanimous rewards is at the moment the calamity strikes.

• It sometimes gets worse before it gets better

Oh yes, my burn actually got worse before it got better. It went from pink, to red to maroon to a horrible black colour before it even began to scab over. Some nights I felt like itching it so much but held back because it would make it worse. But what I realized was, although it looked and felt as though it wasn’t getting any better, it actually was. Healing wasn’t meant to be easy nor was it meant to be pain free. However, the greater the pain the greater the feeling of ease and relief will follow after it. 

When you go through a test the process of healing and adapting back to reality is probably going to be hard before it gets easier. That’s because sweetness is appreciated more when one has tasted bitterness, similarly a rainbow is clearer when its followed by a heavy rainfall. The difficult part is all part of the healing process. Turn back to Him and He will bind your heart with the coolness of faith and mend your heart, which has been broken or frozen shut.

•    Healing takes time

Don’t expect to heal straight away. When we’re ill and are taking medication how long does it sometimes take for the medication to kick in and begin to work? And does a person recover right away or over a period of time? Similarly, when we’ve had our heart broken, or when we’ve wronged our own souls, or when we have been struck by a test, it can take time for our hearts to completely mend. Sometimes it will require for us to make a lot of Du’aa, istighfaar and a change of perspective to begin the healing journey.

My burn didn’t heal instantly after I applied cream to it. It took time. But the entire healing journey consisted of change. Change in pain, change in the colour and look of the burn. Similarly, the healing process or the period of hardship is supposed to change us for the better. Allah is always teaching us something through the experiences we go through so pay heed to the signs throughout the journey.

• Scars heal but never truly fade

My burn has healed, well not completely, but its getting there. :) Yet, it will leave a beautiful, pinky scar on my hand.  It reminded me of how our tests, struggles and scars are a mark of our strength and perseverance. They remind us of how we battled and fought and made it through by the will of Allah. They remind us to remain humble and represent the lessons we learnt through our experiences.

Many of us often think that the experiences we went through remain in the past. But sometimes, some experiences remain with us, reminding us. Though it is unhealthy to be a prisoner of our past, it is important for us to understand who we are and the lessons that have shaped us by reflecting on our past. Our broken pieces and vulnerabilities are a unique part of us, so are our scars. They accompany us through life. They should teach us to not be afraid to take risks for fear of the past, or the fear of hurt. But instead to assure ourselves that Allah will heal, always, like He always has done. That He will protect and cure. And that every experience is different, no two is the same; each teaching us its own unique lessons to better us as human beings and to draw us closer to Him.

• Al-Jabbar – The One who Mends And Restores

No one could have mended my burn besides Al-Jabber. He is the One who heals and fixes. He is the One who cures and mends. When going through a test or when you’re heart has been broken, always turn to Allah. Raise your hands and call upon Him by this beautiful name. Regardless of how rusty, broken, hurt, dark or sorrowful your heart has become, He has the ability to remake it, stronger than it ever was before. Just turn to Him and let the healing process begin.

The Broken-winged Bird

Once upon a time there lived two birds who lived on top of a mulberry tree that was situated in the middle of a forest. 

The birds were both grey in colour. One however, had deep, beady eyes and beautiful, healthy wings. When it flew it was smooth and swift and flew like a delicate feather in mid-air. The other had light eyes that shone like crystals. They were eyes that always looked filled with tears, as though sadness resided in them. Though the bird never spoke of its sadness. This bird also had a broken wing. It had injured itself whilst flying with its bird friends one sunny day. It had fallen to ground until rescue came. 

One day, the broken-winged bird and the healthy bird were having a conversation.

“What’s it like to fly with a broken wing?” the healthy bird asked with curiosity.

“I haven’t tried it.” was her reply.

“Why not?” the curious bird asked.

“I’m too afraid to lift my wing, I’m afraid of the pain.”

“What if there is no pain?”

“Why would that be? Ofcourse there will be pain. My wing is damaged!”

“Well, you can’t possibly be 100% certain about that can you?”

“It’s common sense!”

“Okay yes, there may be pain but nothing great ever came easy, right? And who knows, your wing may be healed.”

“But.. it’s..it’s still going to hurt?”

“The pain is short and will shortly pass, if you endure itt, you will taste the sweetness of what is to come after.”

“O-kayy” she said worriedly.

The broken-winged bird moved her wing just slightly. She was nervous, worried, fearful. ‘The pain is short and will surley pass, if you endure itt, you will taste the sweetness of what is to come’, were the words that were ringing in her mind.

She lifted it a bit more, then clenched her eyes shut. A little further out her wings began to spread. If you looked into her eyes you would be able to see through to her pain but she endured, because she decided to have faith that the pain would pass.

Further and further her wings spread. The pain subsided as her wings outstretched. 

“Bravo! You did it!”

“Did what?” the broken-winged bird asked as she yanked her eyes open. 

“You endured the pain!”

“Oh, I did?” 

“Yes!”

“I was so engrossed in thinking about my dream of flying again that the pain became easy to bear.”

“Sometimes in life, when we’re going through pain, that’s what we have to remember. Pain is a thing, sometimes good, sometime bad. But each time we feel it, we are being taught patience and strength, we are being taught to look past this moment and anticipate the ease after it. Without pain, how would we appreciate the good things and good times?”

“You’re right.” the broken-winged bird said. She placed her wings by her side since the injured wing was still causing her some discomfort.

“Are you ready to fly?”

“What? No, that isn’t possible, right now. It was daunting enough for me to even lift my wing for the first time after ages!”

“What do you fear?”

“I fear falling.”

“Why?” 

“Because I’ve fallen in the past and it hurt. I’m afraid to take the risk.”

“How come you’re not afraid of this branch breaking, you could still fall?”

“Hmm. I don’t know.” The broken-winged bird looked puzzled.

“I’ll tell you why… It’s because a bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on its own wings. Believe in yourself.”

“But.. I have a faulty wing, how do I trust it?”

“It isn’t faulty, you spread your wings out moments ago, you proved yourself wrong. Your wing has healed."

The broken-winged bird looked to her wing and then lifted it again.

"It's the fear of the past that is holding you back. Don’t trust the wings, but trust the One who provides for us when we leave our nests empty-stomached and return with them filled. Trust the Maker of your wings. Have good thoughts and take your means, then trust Him. *If* you fall, believe with certainty that He will catch you. Actually...don’t even think *if*, rather have full faith that He will help you and teach you again how to fly.”

“Wow..” the broken-winged bird contemplated on the other birds words for a few moments.

It took a deep breath.

“Ready?”

“More than I ever was.”

“No go take those broken wings and learn to fly.” The healthy bird replied.

“1… 2… 3.. fly!”

The bird raised its wings, spread them wide and high and stepped off the branch and into the atmosphere. “He will help me fly.” She whispered under her breath. Before she knew it, she was flying mid-air with the view of beautiful green trees and pretty blue lakes, rivers and reservoirs. She couldn’t believe it. She was flying! 

When she returned to the mulberry tree the healthy bird asked, “what’s it like to fly with a broken wing?”

“It felt amazing. Firstly, because I finally believed I had healed and that my broken wing wasn’t permanently broken. Secondly, I had faith. I trusted He would help me, and He did!”

“See, you’re never too broken to colour the world, never too broken to not learn to fly again. Faith. Faith is what makes the impossible look possible. That, my friend you must never forget.”

The broken-bird winged smiled with shiny eyes. “That.." she replied. “I could never forget."